One minute you are feeling good... then the next you are overcome with grief. So goes the story of my recent weeks.
I haven't blogged because I've been busy, and scared. I keep myself busy, but then the feelings of loss creep up and I"m struck with it all at once... then I get too scared to write.
Does that make any sense? I doubt it.
I had blood work drawn this week, and got the results today. Everything is normal. Lovely. F-ing lovely. I should be happy that everything is the way it should be, but I'm not. I'm sad that its all normal... I'm angry about it. I don't FEEL normal so to be told that the bloodwork came back "great" (in my doctor's words) was upsetting. Its like it kind of took away from the loss. If the blood work and labs came back as normal, shouldn't I feel normal? Because I DON'T! I definitely don't feel normal, like everything is ok. I miss my baby, I miss what could have been.
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About Me
- Christine
- I'm trying this blogging thing again. I'm a busy stay at home mom to 4 little ones, 3 girls and my prince. I'm married to one of the most caring and generous men I've ever met.
3 comments:
Unfortunately, "normal" and "everything's ok" just aren't the same thing in these situations. What you're going through IS normal. I wish there was some way to make it easier for you, I really do. Just know you're being thought of, and never feel you're supposed to be feeling over it. When you lose a child, you get a new normal. It gets easier with time, more distant, but I doubt it ever goes away.
Hugs, Christine.
I'm sorry. Grieving takes time and you should take all the time you need/want.
:( As a person who has gone through this twice, the feeling never goes away. You always feel a little bit empty. Don't get me wrong you are happy with what you have but there will always be a piece of your heart that is cracked. Ugh.. talk about a debbie downer.. sorry!
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